The Official Guide to Office Wellness
By,William R. Vitanyi Jr.
Publisher: Bayla Publishing
Copyright © 2006 William R. Vitanyi Jr
Category: Humor
ISBN: 978-0-97856-002-7
ISBN: 0-9785600-2-7
108 Pages $17.95 available in hardcover October 2006
The Official Guide to Office Wellness by William R. Vitanyi Jr. has a disclaimer in the beginning of the book that states, “This book is a spoof. Do not actually use this book as part of an exercise program, real or imagined.” There should also be a disclaimer that reads, “Do not read this book if you’re prone to heart attacks from too much laughter, or if you have a weak bladder.”
In this fast paced world of uploading, upgrading, downloading, downsizing and networking, hardware, software, macromedia and micromanagement, conference calls, faxes and emails along the super information highway, we’re just too busy to exercise. Although we’re so busy our physical activity levels are at an all-time high level of being low. The human animal is such a contradiction of terms. A base primal part of us recognizes this when we laugh at movies like Office Space, the hit sit-com The Office and read Sally Forth and Dilbert comic strips. We’re really laughing at the absurdity of an animal wired to be a semi-naked polygamous hunter-gatherer dressed in restrictive garments and stuck in a cubicle with technology that is secretly sentient and hates us.
Vitanyi has taken photographs of people in offices and cubicles emulating different animal positions that a Sufi-Swami contortionist would have difficulty performing. Each exercise has three titles which describe: 1.Which ailment the exercise is supposed to alleviate, 2.Which animal is used as a model, 3.The Latin name of the animal and exercise. Beneath the titles is a photograph of a person (men and women) performing the exercise and beneath the photo is a brief humorous caption about the exercise. For example, page 31 is called the, 1. Glaciation Disorder. 2.Emperor Penguin Heel Stance 3. Salvelinus alpinus. The caption reads, “A frigid office environment quickly depletes enthusiasm, while the reason for interpersonal distance can vary, it almost always causes work place tension. Do not succumb to this pernicious force. Instead, when confronted by a frosty co-worker, immediately assume the Emperor Penguin Heel Stance. This noble artic survivor shows us that even the harshest climate can be endured. In anticipation of potential icy behavior, wear colors of the penguin and firmly brace your heels. Foot angle will vary by season.”
Vitanyi says that the best way to ‘do’ these exercises is to visualize doing them. The best and funniest way is to think about somebody else doing them, or even funnier watch somebody trying to do them. Vitanyi includes the photos for visual aids. The imagining he leaves to the readers.
-Lee Gooden 9-10-06
By,William R. Vitanyi Jr.
Publisher: Bayla Publishing
Copyright © 2006 William R. Vitanyi Jr
Category: Humor
ISBN: 978-0-97856-002-7
ISBN: 0-9785600-2-7
108 Pages $17.95 available in hardcover October 2006
The Official Guide to Office Wellness by William R. Vitanyi Jr. has a disclaimer in the beginning of the book that states, “This book is a spoof. Do not actually use this book as part of an exercise program, real or imagined.” There should also be a disclaimer that reads, “Do not read this book if you’re prone to heart attacks from too much laughter, or if you have a weak bladder.”
In this fast paced world of uploading, upgrading, downloading, downsizing and networking, hardware, software, macromedia and micromanagement, conference calls, faxes and emails along the super information highway, we’re just too busy to exercise. Although we’re so busy our physical activity levels are at an all-time high level of being low. The human animal is such a contradiction of terms. A base primal part of us recognizes this when we laugh at movies like Office Space, the hit sit-com The Office and read Sally Forth and Dilbert comic strips. We’re really laughing at the absurdity of an animal wired to be a semi-naked polygamous hunter-gatherer dressed in restrictive garments and stuck in a cubicle with technology that is secretly sentient and hates us.
Vitanyi has taken photographs of people in offices and cubicles emulating different animal positions that a Sufi-Swami contortionist would have difficulty performing. Each exercise has three titles which describe: 1.Which ailment the exercise is supposed to alleviate, 2.Which animal is used as a model, 3.The Latin name of the animal and exercise. Beneath the titles is a photograph of a person (men and women) performing the exercise and beneath the photo is a brief humorous caption about the exercise. For example, page 31 is called the, 1. Glaciation Disorder. 2.Emperor Penguin Heel Stance 3. Salvelinus alpinus. The caption reads, “A frigid office environment quickly depletes enthusiasm, while the reason for interpersonal distance can vary, it almost always causes work place tension. Do not succumb to this pernicious force. Instead, when confronted by a frosty co-worker, immediately assume the Emperor Penguin Heel Stance. This noble artic survivor shows us that even the harshest climate can be endured. In anticipation of potential icy behavior, wear colors of the penguin and firmly brace your heels. Foot angle will vary by season.”
Vitanyi says that the best way to ‘do’ these exercises is to visualize doing them. The best and funniest way is to think about somebody else doing them, or even funnier watch somebody trying to do them. Vitanyi includes the photos for visual aids. The imagining he leaves to the readers.
-Lee Gooden 9-10-06
posted by Lee Gooden | 10:04 PM
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